The Monkey knows you’ve been cheating on your diet.

The Monkey knows the nickname that girl in 5th grade made up for you.

The Monkey knows what happened at the Nutcracker all those years ago.

The Monkey knows some of your deductions last year were a little sketchy.

The Monkey knows what you were dreaming about when you woke up at 4 AM.

The Monkey knows what you hid in the basement behind the hot water heater.

The Monkey knows all these things…

…but still has no idea where he put his keys.