INT. MEXICAN EXTRADITION PRISON (CELL 443) – DAY

ETHAN, A SKINNY 20-YEAR OLD MURDERER, AND EL CHAPO, A MIDDLE-AGED DRUG KINGPIN, ARE BOTH ON THEIR HANDS AND KNEES SCRATCHING AT THE CEMENT WALL OF THEIR CELL WITH PLASTIC SPORKS, TRYING TO DIG AN ESCAPE HOLE. BOTH WEAR ORANGE JUMPSUITS.

ETHAN
Okay this is kind of a lot more physically laborious than
I thought it would be.

EL CHAPO
Silencio! Los guardias…

ETHAN
For the last time- I don’t speak Mexican, Mr. Chapo.

EL CHAPO
EL Chapo! It’s EL Chapo. It means– don’t worry what it
means, hombrecito. Just keep digging. And it’s Espanol!

ETHAN
Como?

EL CHAPO
We don’t speak Mexican, we speak Span- forget it.

THEY DIG FOR ANOTHER MINUTE.

ETHAN
My spork’s getting bent. I need a new one.

EL CHAPO
We don’t have a new one. That spork cost me ten
million pesos in bribe money.

ETHAN’S EYES LIGHT UP- HE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET NAD PULLS OUT A HUGE WAD OF MEXICAN MONEY.

ETHAN
My mom gave me some rainy day money- do you think I could
get one of the guards to dig my escape tunnel for me?

EL CHAPO STARES AT THE WAD.

EL CHAPO
I– no. I mean… maybe. But this is something you
should do for yourself, Ethan.

ETHAN
Why?

EL CHAPO
Because you’ll never truly appreciate breaking out of prison
unless you do the work yourself. You must earn your
stolen freedom, my little murderer.

ETHAN
I’m not a murderer. I’m a vehicular homicide-er.

EL CHAPO PUTS HIS HAND ON THE YOUNG MAN’S SHOULDER.

EL CHAPO
Nobody cares.

THEY DIG.

ETHAN
Man, I could really go for some Jagermeister… or
some Fireball cinnamon whiskey.

EL CHAPO
Estupido. There is no candy-flavored liquor for you here! We
need to hurry! We could be extradited to los Estados Unitos tomorrow…
I mean probably not, it will probably be like a year or maybe– WAIT!

THEY BOTH FREEZE AS THEY HEAR THE GUARD COMING.

ETHAN
Oh I hope he’s bringing nachos… my mom always brings
me nachos.

EL CHAPO
Back to your bunk! Act normal!

ETHAN STARES AT HIM BLANKLY.

EL CHAPO (CONT’D)
Okay, as normal as you get. Go!

THE GUARD COMES TO THE BARS AND ETHAN AND EL CHAPO ARE RELAXING ON THEIR BUNKS. ETHAN IS PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP, MAKING REALLY FAKE SNORING SOUNDS. THE GUARD STARES AT THEM FOR A MOMENT.

GUARD
Are you two digging an escape tunnel?

ETHAN POPS UP- WIDE AWAKE.

ETHAN
Escape tunnel? ESCAPE TUNNEL??? Don’t be RIDICULOUS!

EL CHAPO
(quietly)
A little less, por favor.

UNSURE WHAT TO DO, ETHAN GOES BACK TO PRETENDING TO SNORE.

GUARD
Okay, hand them over…

WITH A SIGH ETHAN AND EL CHAPO BOTH RELUCTANTLY SURRENDER THEIR SPORKS.

GUARD (CONT’D)
Rascals.

HE TURNS AND LEAVES. ETHAN AND EL CHAPO SIT DEJECTEDLY ON THEIR RESPECTIVE BUNKS.

ETHAN
Great. Now what are we supposed to do to kill time?

HE LOOKS OVER AND REALIZES EL CHAPO IS STARING AT HIM AND SMILING.

HE GULPS.

END OF I/1.